Sometimes I look at myself and I think, woman, you really are not quite right in the head, are you? For who in their right mind would join a dating agency and then look at what is on offer and decide there is nothing? I'm a tiny bit pissed off with myself because although I do want a man in my life, I really don't want one. Oh, I'd like the going out, the conversations, the sex, but I wouldn't like the emotional part - the becoming involved with someone knowing all the time it could end in tears, and that those tears could well be mine. Yet to do the whole thing without emotional involvement would be a poor excuse for a relationship.
Anyway, I joined this agency and then had a look at what was on offer. Out of a thousand possible suitors, I found five I quite liked the look of. I got in touch with one of them. He seemed like a suitable candidate because he lives a long way away, frequently works in foreign lands, and he isn't looking for a wife (which I have no intention of becoming again). He ticked all the right boxes in other ways too, but somehow the correspondence was not an easy one, and it ended. I had another look at the other four - three of them had disappeared, and I found that I didn't like the look of the remaining one that much after all.
I find that these days I'm more difficult to please than when I was young (not that I was easy to please then). I look at the photos of these possible suitors and I've rejected so many of them because either they look like my husband, or they have a beard, or they look too sure of themselves, or the photos are at least twenty years old, or I don't like the look in their eyes. The photos aren't the only hurdles - if I don't like their username or description, they fall by the wayside. If they describe themselves as attractive, when they so obviously aren't, they are rejected, and so it goes. No wonder I only managed to find five out of a possible thousand. Actually, maybe it's a wonder I did find five.
A few have written to me, but they haven't appealed to me. I did write back to them a few times, but I figure if I don't feel any affinity with them after half a dozen exchanges, it just isn't going to happen, so why waste my time and theirs. I just wish I'd had more sense in the first place and not wasted my money. I think I'm as likely (maybe even more so) to find someone in the supermarket as through a dating agency.
